last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
