I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
