why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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