Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
