Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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