he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
