I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
