my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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