A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
