sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
