Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
