everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
