this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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