If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
