you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
is it fun? or sober?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize