i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
