I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
They have beer where we have blood.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize