there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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