I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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