I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, beer. Big fan.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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