Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
