I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
