I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
