Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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