How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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