The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
