So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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