I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
