I want you more than these girls want KFC
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
