I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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