Cold hands, warm shart.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
