what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
