forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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