You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
