She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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