I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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