OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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