I think i peed on brittanys purse
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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