i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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