he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
