I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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