You're my little dorito
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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