I am spending my child support on dildos
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
