Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
