I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I still have a little drunk in my system
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
