What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize