we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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