Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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