Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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