We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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