I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I will pee on everything he values.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
