I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
