My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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