we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't EVER smell your tampon
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
