New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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