dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
