We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
