like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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