I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize