I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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