I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
