what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
