I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
