They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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