Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
