is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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