I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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