can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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