it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
