so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
