Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
