the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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