he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
