I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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