I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
