She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
