Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
