Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Randomize
