every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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