I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
