I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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