i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
