this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
