Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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