i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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