im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
