They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
