My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
