chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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