I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
