puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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