So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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