I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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