He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
