If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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