I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
