you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
