Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
