Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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