my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize