Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
