Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
