how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
