Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
