I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
