A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize