It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
