wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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