how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
